Suddenly I see

You've been in my dreams latley. Everytime I dream that you're back, I wake up happy to call you, but then realize you left us four years ago.

It's selfish of me, wanting you back for my own sake. There are so many things I wanna tell you now when four years has passed since I heard your voice for the last time.
You've been in my dreams and thoughts lately. Maybe because it was at this time of the year that we lost you. I try so hard to listen to other peoples talk about their fathers. When they happily leave the work or school to go out for lunch with their fathers. While I sit here, wishing that you never died. That you would come back, calling me and telling, "let's have lunch together".

Babayi if you were here, I would invite you to my apartment. I would tell all of my friends come and meet you. Cause how much I tell them how wonderful you were, it's not enough. No one can ever understand. Ever. The difference between you and all the other fathers in the world.

I tell people about you. I tell people you passed away and trying to make myself believe that this is what life is about. You will loose the closest people and then they will loose you. This is what this fucked life is all about.

It's been so long since I cried this way. But I miss you so much Babayi. You have no idea. I feel so broken right now. If I only could call you now and hear your voice. Babayi, why did you have to leave us?